I've read in several fashion mags the ridiculous statistic that a bottle of Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion is sold every four seconds. My question is: why? Granted, I am slightly jealous of the women who are able to use that ubiquitous yellow lotion. I, on the other hand, would morph into a gigantic pimple. That would happen on a good day.

That's not saying I've kept myself from trying Clinique's other skin care offerings. I'm a veteran of Facial Soap Extra Strength, Clarifying Lotion #2, Turn Around Oil Free Lotion, etc., etc. The mere mention of a "gift with purchase" sends me scurrying to the mall without fail.

This time, I thought I had a good reason. As I dutifully stood in line for my latest "gift with purchase" (I'll give credit where its due - those cute little bags are a vast improvement), I was excited about the new "Acne Solutions" line. They've finally come up with something better than frying your face with "Industrial Strength Clarifying Lotion #13." But sadly, the products were less than spectacular.

Cleansing Foam ($16.50 for a 4.2 oz. bottle)
I like these new liquid-to-foam cleansers. The concept is terrific, but, in Clinique's case, the results were poor. Their version is loaded down with irritating chemicals, including a whopping 1% salicylic acid. The packaging even suggests cutting down your usage to once every other day to avoid irritation. What would be the point? Besides, it barely removed my make-up.

Antibacterial Facial Soap ($8.50 for a 5.2 oz. bar)
The insert provided with all Acne Solutions products suggests that you are to use this soap following the Cleansing Foam. Are we to believe we will have any skin left on our face after washing with both these products? What's the point of using two cleansers when one should be sufficient? This soap is also recommended for acne on the chest and back. To me this is a more realistic idea than washing your face with two potentially irritating, medicated products. I've relegated my bar to the shower, where I will use it exclusively on my back and chest - not on my face.

Night Treatment Gel ($15.50 for a 1.7 oz. tube)
Surprisingly, this product is touted as non-irritating and nondrying. Let me get this straight: I'm supposed to irritate the heck out of my oily face by washing it twice, then slather on this gel, which is supposed lessen my oil production and reduce the occurrence of pimples? Is there a bridge somewhere Clinique is trying to sell me? I awoke in the AM oily and perturbed.

Spot Healing Gel ($11.00 for a 1/2 oz. bottle)
The day I purchased these products, I sprouted two medium sized blemishes on my jaw. I was excited that I'd have someplace to apply my Spot Healing Gel. After four faithful applications, I'm sorry to report that my pimples are alive and well, the surrounding skin angry and red with irritation.

The most shocking part of my experience with Clinique's newest line is the hype they expect consumers to believe. To quote directly from their product insert under the heading Who should use Acne Solutions: "Since the causes of both teenage acne and adult acne are the same - excess oil, pumped up by hormones or stress, and trapped in a clogged pore - the same 'weapons' work equally effectively for everyone." What a bunch of malarkey.

Unfortunately, Clinique's Acne Solutions were a doomed experiment in my quest for "hope in a jar." I'll just have to find something else to qualify for their "gift with purchase."

Happy Shopping!